If Your Workspace Was a Person, Would You Date It?
Imagine this: your workspace suddenly turns human. You walk in, and it’s waiting for you. Would you swipe right or run for the hills? Your desk, or that corner where you work, says way more about you than your Instagram bio.
Let’s take a tour of typical Nigerian workspaces and meet your potential office bae:
1. The Messy Lagos Hustler
Your desk is chaos incarnate. Papers piled up, pens missing different parts… There’s a stale cup of coffee, half a biscuit, and your phone somewhere under the pile. If your workspace were a person, it’d show up late, give random life advice, and make you laugh even when it’s stressful.
Pros: Always interesting, never boring, full of surprises
Cons: You can’t find anything ever
Swipe right: Only if you like drama and tepid coffee.
2. The LinkedIn Boss
Everything is in control: planners aligned, laptop clean, pens in neat little cups. If your desk were a person, it’d show up in crisp clothes, greet everyone, tell you what it has been up to and quietly make you feel like you’re underachieving.
Pros: Sharp, impressive, makes you feel like you need to level up
Cons: Low tolerance for nonsense; will judge your work ethic
Swipe right: Only if you’re ready to match the energy
3. The Overcaffeinated Hustler
Every surface is taken by coffee mugs. This person thrives on energy and ideas, but spills occasionally happen. Think Naija guy who lives for the thrill.
Pros: Creative, buzzing with energy, never sleepy
Cons: Might spill on your documents; constant need for more caffeine
Swipe right: Only if you can handle the jitters
4. The Plant Mama/Papa
Your workspace is a mini forest: aloe vera, ferns, maybe even a hanging succulent. If it were a person, it’d hum while watering plants in the middle of a Monday workday.
Pros: Chill, nurturing, calm… like a Sunday morning.
Cons: Allergies possible; sometimes too soft for Lagos chaos
Swipe right: Perfect if you’re craving calm in a busy city
5. The Snack Dealer
Drawer stuffed with biscuits, chin-chin, suya leftovers (don’t ask why). They’re that friend who always knows the best food spots in the area.
Pros: Fun, generous, always prepared for emergency hunger
Cons: Slightly messy; attracts ants or random colleagues
Swipe right: Only if you’re ready to share.
6. The Goal Chaser
Multiple monitors, Google Calendar synced with three time zones, task apps everywhere. This person is terrifying in the best way. Ambitious, motivated, always planning like a CEO at 7 a.m.
Pros: Inspires you to level up; hard-working, impressive
Cons: Will make you question why you haven’t achieved half your dreams yet
Swipe right: Yes, if you’re ready to hustle alongside them
Your workspace is basically your partner in crime. Whether it’s messy, zen, caffeinated, or snack-packed, it reflects how you live and work. The big question is: would you actually date it or at least make peace with it?
Maybe it’s time to clean up, add a few personal touches, or just embrace the chaos. Because at the end of the day, your workspace dictates your output, your energy, and sometimes it’s your only real friend during Lagos traffic-filled workdays.
Meet Your Ideal Workspace at Cafe One
Think you’d actually swipe right on your workspace? At Cafe One, you can. Book your spot now and find the desk that matches your needs. No awkward first dates, just great coffee and productivity.